This is an audio commentary of feedback received from various people and my replies to the feedback. The image is the rough cut of My Brother Leon-
But, due to technical difficulties, the sound is a few seconds out of sync.
Feedback written out-
Tanya- The mise en scene is good in scene 2 with the knife-
This scene in particular was meant to provide an insight into Leon's identity and what the problem with him is early on, so that the audience could understand and know what his character profile is.
Good contrast between Leon and Lily with their bedrooms-
We tried to show Leon to having a dark, unfeminine room so that this would also help the audience in understanding Leon as a character. Lily's room was chosen to be pink, because it represents her innocence and the contrast between the lightness that is her life, and the darkness that is Leons.
There could be more variety with shot distances, but they steady shots-
The shot distances were chosen because in a lot of the scenes, there is more than one person in shot and so although we tried to incorporate a variety of shots, it was somewhat difficult where these scenes occured as they mostly had to be either MLS or MS.
Grace- Girl looking at mum over stairs in scene 14, shows vulnerability-
The girl here is meant to be shown as a small, and less significant person because there are adults around and she is only a bystander. Also, she is seen by the mother to not understand what is going on, but when she really does.
Good editing in living room with folder-
This scene is one of the earliest ones, and it was shown so the audience could understand that she is the quiet one of the family and gets on with what she needs to do without causing trouble or disturbing anyone, whereas this is the opposite for Leon. Therefore this is meant to capture her personality and identity.
Sound was crackly-
There were problems with the microphone from the beginning, and the sound levels were not monitored as they should have been by the sound technician.
Callum- Good contrast between Lily and Leon-
We wanted this contrast as this is one of the main aspects of the film showing the difference between the two as they are meant to have very differing personalities, even though they are from the same family. Also the reason to why we didn't have any speech from Lily is that this is also another contrast as Leon speaks a lot while she says nothing.
Flowed quite well, but a bit slow paced-
We have changed a lot of the scenes by creating faster cuts and cutting out other shots. Also, we have deleted scenes in which we did not think to be important or added anything to the film, as this would also create more pace in the film.
Chloe- Good framing, but a couple of shakes of the camera-
We tried to get as much of the characters in the shots as possible, and as small amounts as possible of objects which were in the background, in order to focus on what was going on with the characters. The shakes of the camera should not have been there, but we learn from our mistakes and if we were to do another production, they would not be there.
Mother was not comforting enough-
We did not have many people who would act and have the appearance we wanted, so we had to use what we had and we were grateful that we were even able to find someone to act as the mother.
The scene with the black eye was good, but it was not seen enough-
We tried to emphasis this as much as possible, however there were constraints in the location in which we were filming, as there was not much room to put the camera, microphones and lighting. Also the lighting in the location was very bright and could not be turned down, and so this is why it was difficult to get a very clear shot of the black eye.
Joe- Framed quite well, good camera movements, but there was one wonky frame-
We tried to get everything captured onto the film as needed, which therefore needed camera movements, and I as the cameraman tried to make sure they were as smooth as possible and kept the main aspect of the shot as central.
Good in the way in which the girl keeps going back to the same door-
This is one of the main aspects of the film, as we wanted to show each separate day as beginning the same, but something different happens each time.
James- Lily does not talk, but Leon does-
Leon is meant to be overriding Lily and her not speaking is showing her softer, more innocent nature, whereas this is the opposite for Leon. This therefore is showing the difference between the two characters and their personalities.
Questionnaire template used to receive feedback from audience-
This is a questionnaire I created in order to receive feedback from a selection of people who were willing to participate. The questions cover main aspects in which I though to be important, to receive feedback on.
Summary of feedback received-
1st persons feedback- Hannah-
To the question of was there a strong enough message in the film, she said yes because of the effective cuts between scenes and the fact that Lily does not speak shows her worry. She said yes to whether the characters profile and personalities are easy to identify as they are well formed and can be identified easily from the start.
For the third question, she said that because of the cuts between the scenes and the contrast of Lily and Leon, there was tension and an atmosphere throughout the film. The answer to whether the film was interesting and exciting enough was yes, because it was enthralling and there was a questionable, ambiguous ending.
Her favourite part of the film was the concern shared by the mother and Lily in the final scene when they are sitting together and then turn to one another. The least liked part of the film was the sadness that was associated with Leon's character.
There were also no suggestions or other comments on how it could have been a better short film.
2nd persons feedback- Julie-
For the first question, she said that it was very clear that Leon was getting into trouble and that it was affecting the whole family. Her response from are the characters profiles easy to identify?, was that you can tell the sister is much quieter and worried for her brother, and the mum is more fiery and wants to protect Leon.
The answer to whether the film was effective in building up tension and an atmosphere was that all the aspects were very effective and made the viewer want to know what was going to happen next. Also she said there was a feeling that there wasn't going to be a happy ending although there was hope that there might be.
Her response was positive for whether the film is interesting and exciting enough by saying that she felt anxious about what was going to happen next, and this made it exciting. Her favourite part of the film was the way in which Lily was shown to be very worried about Leon although he wasn't interested in her worry. Her least favourite part of the film was where Lily looked into Leon's bedroom at the end, and we assume that he is dead. There were again no improvements or comments added.
3rd persons feedback -Ryan-
The answer to the first question from this person was that there was a strong enough message because the characters made the impact early on and from there, the message was continued and was strong. The answer to the characters profiles was that yes they were because of the costumes used and the acting in which they were directed to do.
The components of the film were said to be effective in building up tension and an atmosphere because there was sometimes harsh lighting and the sound with arguments that were involved, were good in creating the tension and atmosphere.
He said the film was interesting and exciting because there were good shots and fast cuts that made this excitement, along with the story. His favourite part of the film was the policeman scene as there was good acting from Lily and the policeman which made it very effective and interesting to watch. The least favourite part of the film for him was the acting from the mother as he did not think it was convincing enough. His one improvement that he said could be there was that maybe there could be more action incorporated to create a greater sense of Leon being involved with a gang.
Summary-
This feedback, although not from our target audience, who would be industry professionals, have given positive feedback which is very promising and there was only one improvement which was thought of. If I were to change the production, I would incorporate this improvement. However before I would make any changes, I would collect more feedback from more people and also try to receive some from my target audience in order to find out if there was anything else which could have been done to make the production better.
But, looking at the feedback I received makes me think that I have a film which suits the target audience and is interesting enough for them to watch. Therefore it could be said that we as a group were successful in making a film which suits and meets the needs of our target audience.
Feedback received for ancillary texts-
I also received feedback from the same people as before regarding the ancillary texts.
1st persons feedback- Ryan-
Back of postcard-
The first thing he said was that the layout was good because of its clarity, and everything was positioned well. However he did say that he thought the font could be touched up, as it wasn't as good as it could have been. He also commented that maybe there could have been more colour incorporated behind the boxes which the text is in. The one other thing which he said was that the information which was on the back was precise and informative as there wasn't anything on there which was irrelevant.
Front of postcard-
He commented that the title was effective because of the font used and that it stood out from the rest of the picture. Also he said that having the notepad showing hangman was a good idea because the picture speaks for itself and it has real significance in the film. His final wording was that the front was 'simple, but effective'.
Review page-
He thought the details that were shown about the film were very well selected and gave the reader everything they needed to know about the film. The layout was also given compliments as everything was said to be clear and it looks professional. There is also an understanding of what the film is about straight away.
2nd persons feedback- Hannah-
Back of postcard-
The first comment on this was the good usage of colours as she thought they complimented the front of the postcard. However, she did say that there could have been more creativity with the font used.
Front of postcard-
She firstly said that the title was creative and matched what was going on, on the back of the postcard. Also, she commented that the image makes you want to know why shes doing the hangman picture, and that this is a very effective tool, when using it as a marketing strategy.
Review page-
She liked the layout and the picture was said to be eye catching. The title was also seen to be clear and it looks inviting for a person to read.
3rd persons feedback- Julie-
Back of postcard-
She was not sure about the back colour as she said it might have been more suitable if there were colours of black and white as this would have been continuous with the colours of the notepad. The title was questioned as she believed it could have been made bigger for it to stand out more. However she did say that the information was very presentable and it included everything that was needed, especially as it was clear on who was involved in the production.
Front of postcard-
She liked the written style of the font, however she said that maybe there could have been bolder lettering. Despite this, she said the message was clear and that it gives the main point of the whole film.
Review page-
The layout was given compliments to as it was very professional looking and had everyone who was involved with the film accounted for. Adding items such as the cast and credits were seen to be inventive. One thing she especially said was good was the synopsis, as it is in a different coloured box and this makes it stand out. Finally though she did say that maybe it would have been more suitable if the picture had been the same as what was on the postcard.
Summary-
These comments from this selection of people have been good, and there has also been some suggestions where improvements could be made. If I were to do the ancillary tasks again, I would take these suggestions into account, and change some of the things that were said. However, overall they seemed to like my postcard and review page, and so this has made me infer that both of these tasks met the creative and aesthetic needs in order for them to be effective.
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